Written by Jill Zatyko, LMFT
We find love and we lose it. We wonder where it went and if we will ever find the one.
This leads us to ask…is there really the one? Or is there the one for each time of our life, each experience, each phase, each mood, each era.
Each time we allow ourselves to fall in love we are taking a chance on something. It may be something great and it may be something devastating. However, if we do not take that chance are, we missing out?
Who told us that we must be in a relationship? What does that significant other add to our lives that we cannot find alone? We all must decide for ourselves and there is never any right or wrong answer. At any given time in our lives that answer may be different.
If we go it alone what does that say about us? Are we strong, independent, self-sufficient, empowered? Or are we damaged, bitter, or even broken?
Should we stay in relationships that are just okay or do we look for that one…that one who fulfills all of our hopes and dreams…that one that makes us a better person…that one who challenges us and is our equal? Maybe these ideas are causing us to miss out on the one altogether. These dreamy fantasies may be exactly why we cannot find the one.
So, what is so wrong with being alone? Aside from a few lonely dinners, concerts, movies, and no date for your cousin’s wedding, not much. Time alone is time well spent. Time alone with yourself is one of the most effortless and difficult things to do. Time alone means time with yourself. It means time getting to know just who you are. It means being able to be with yourself, in your own head, and not totally lose your mind. If you can do that then you are doing better than most.
I would venture to guess that much of the population has an exceedingly difficult time just being alone. Isn’t that why many of us stay in relationships that are just okay? These relationships are not bad by any means, they are just okay. Any maybe okay is okay.
What is my point you might ask? First and foremost, we must decide what we want for ourselves. We cannot let society or mom and dad decide for us. If you chose to be alone than be the best alone you can be. If you want to be in that relationship that is okay than do that too.
But if you find that okay or alone is not what you want than shout it from the rooftops. Do not go quietly. Get what you want.
I suspect though that to do this, to figure out what we really want we may need some time alone with the person who knows us best, ourselves.
If you do find that being alone is just what you need use that time well. Use that time to take care of yourself, learn about yourself, discover or rediscover yourself. Selfcare is an essential skill that we all know we should have but we tend to ignore. We are all so busy living that we forget to take a break and possibly see the beauty in the world.
Selfcare is as individual as finding that right relationship. It can be as exciting and daring as rock climbing or as simplistic and relaxing as taking the time to read a book. Whatever you chose to do make it count. Take the time to free your mind and indulge your soul with something just for you.
Here are some simple ideas to get you started…go for a hike, listen to music, take a drive, take a long hot bath, call that friend from high school, go to the zoo, meditate, sing, draw, paint, write, sit, pray, take a nap, go for a run.